Words cannot begin to do justice to the events that have unfolded this week in New York City, Washington, DC and Pennsylvania.  I am not a political or religious journalist, but one does not need any specific credentials to try and express the overwhelming emotions that have affected everyone throughout the world in some manner.  There will be an abundance of writings on these terrorist attacks for years to come from far more knowledgeable and eloquent sources than myself.  However, I would like to offer some personal thoughts that I have about this tragedy because I think that it is important for people to be able to therapeutically express themselves about something that will affect the way every single one of us lives from now on.

I was online visiting a message forum when I first heard the news of the World Trade Center plane crash.  Someone said that an aircraft had just plowed into one of the buildings and that there was video footage being played on the news networks.  My initial reaction was actually one of indifference, not because I didn't think the news was horrible, but because we are desensitized in a lot of ways to sensationalism and spectacular things in our culture these days.  With all of the "shock television" and violence in the entertainment industry that is easy to access, I remember thinking "I will go turn on the TV after I finish up some things online."

Then, I received an e-mail from a good friend of mine who suggested that I go watch the news because a second plane had hit the second building.  When I flipped on CNN, I was stunned, as most were, by what was playing out.  After that, there was word that the Pentagon had been hit, and that a crash in Pennsylvania had been related to these events.  Every minute was bringing a new twist and turn to this unprecedented situation on American soil.

I think it's natural for people to feel numb when things of this magnitude unfold.  It's probably a defense mechanism that protects us from succumbing to too much stress at one time.  There was great pain buried inside of me over what I was seeing, but I found my brain processing the information calmly and basically suppressing any desire to breakdown into a fit of emotion.  I was fidgety and full of nervous energy as time wore on.  I actually picked up a guitar and strummed as I watched the news develop. I noticed that I was clinging to the instrument as if it were a safety shield.  That instant really showed me the healing power of music.  The innocence and non-malicious energy of the guitar was not destroyed by the terrorists.  It was helping me to cope with information that was basically not process-able due to its senseless nature.

There was one occasion where emotion completely snuck up on me without warning.  A reporter was trying to interview someone who had been working in one of the trade centers at the time of the crash.  The man's cell phone rang.  It was his wife, who worked on another floor of the building,  calling to tell him that she was okay.  He broke down crying, and at that instant, I lost it.  I let the tears go and just sobbed for about 20 seconds.  Then I was calm again.  Even as I was releasing the stress, I realized that it felt good to get some of the tension out of my chest.  It was a necessary thing to shed some tears or some sort of emotion over something so terrible.

Ever since this thing has happened, I have had a sick and tight feeling down in my stomach.  I try to make sense out of this by absorbing news accounts, listening to others discuss their feelings, and praying.  But no matter what I do, there is no peace or answer.  And you know what?  I would probably be very concerned if there were a clear answer right now, because there is absolutely no way to justify what occurred.

I don't think America is a perfect place.  There are many problems we have internally which are horrible in their own right.  It can be hard to maintain a patriotic mood at times, especially when others in the world suffer at the expense of the divisiveness that nationalism can bring.  However, when a force attacks innocent people in such a despicable manner, especially on American soil,  the people of the United States unite and rise to show the world that freedom is worth defending and is the right way to live.  The terrorists who perpetrated these acts have their own set of values which seem to justify to themselves what they have done.  The rest of the civilized world cannot fathom the fanatical beliefs that would indicate a reward from an angry god in exchange for terror and self-sacrifice.

The most nauseating image I have seen throughout this whole thing is that of people in the Middle East cheering and celebrating these terrorist acts.  Elders and children alike posture for the cameras as they smile and rejoice at the harm that has come to America.  At that moment, I wanted to return the terror to those people and wipe those smiles right off their faces.  Then I paused to contemplate the feelings of guilt I had for wanting to basically answer evil with another evil.  After all, two wrongs don't make a right, right?  But I must admit, the anger is winning out.

While death and destruction are wrong, there are times when goodness must be defended.  Goodness is a judgment call and a primary reason why religious tolerance must be practiced.  However, I have continuing feelings of wanting to wipe out not only the parties responsible for the terrorism, but those who cheer and support it.  In fact, I think the reason I have this complete resentment and disgust for those people is because I do value life, love and kindness.  I believe that American society, with all of its faults and immoralities, actually comes closer than any other in the world to embodying a life of freedom and compassion.  Unfortunately, it took these events to bring that into clearer focus for me.

It has always been difficult for me to condemn other religions, even if I haven't agreed with them, because I respect the journey to truth that everyone embarks on.  I also recognize how the nature of God is disputable among humans, because God is the ultimate question of the ages.  But when a group of "people" professes that their god endorses violence and self-sacrifice, then that is where I draw the line.  I want no part of any god who acts like that nor the idiots who carry out the most condemnable acts that the mind can comprehend.

There is no easy answer to the problem.  People who are true and kind, who abhor murder and terror, are dragged unwillingly into a situation that either requires passively doing nothing while allowing the probability that this will happen again, or responding with like-minded violence and force.  In my mind, unless God intervenes with a miracle, force is the only way to deal with this issue, even if all it serves to accomplish is ironically bringing peace of mind to those who love freedom and a feeling that freedom has been defended.

My father left for Vietnam only two weeks after I was born.  I don't remember much about that era because of my age, but I've heard how horrendous the experience was, much like those participants in any other war.  We hear the stories of heroism and patriotism that have somehow become irrelevant to our war-free generation.  Now we have witnessed an event that is our generation's Pearl Harbor.  It is a sick feeling to me, and, if only momentarily, shows me why veterans are so patriotic.

I always knew about my Dad going to Vietnam, but I never really stopped to dwell on how terrifying it must have felt to be going to war, not knowing if you will come home to your family again.  He was a doctor in the war before returning home to resume a medical career in the States.  I always looked at him as the guy who would come home and throw football with me in the yard or take me on trips to places with him.  Then I watched him perform surgery and gained a whole new insight for what he did.  Sometimes you have to see things for yourself before they really register in your mind and make an impact.  I feel that the destruction of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon attack have definitely made an impact.

Despite the incredible tension and stress that these events have brought to our lives, I have an internal sense, which I can't explain, that this will ultimately lead to goodness in the long run.  It may not be evident for quite some time, nor should we celebrate what has happened.  But call it a spiritual intuition or wishful thinking, I feel that there is a divine reason that all of this is unfolding.  It may not make sense now and we may go through hell to ultimately resolve anything, but there will be a day when we will look back at this and be able to see something positive that resulted from it.  Perhaps this is hope nurtured by love.  Love wins in the end. The actions of the terrorists were not based upon love.

There is a fine line between defending freedom and punishing for transgressions against it.  We should not punish for the sake of vengeance, but rather temper our anger with the sole desire to protect what we believe to be worth defending.  Maybe the terrorists feel that they are doing the same from their perspective, but I personally cannot justify the evil that they have demonstrated in aggressively harming the lives of the people they killed and their loved ones left behind.

In the meantime, we should pray for the victims of this act of war.  We are all victims.

It is more important now than ever to pick up the guitar and play some music.
 

Jason